Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Literature of love

I often see myself as this woman. Simply enjoying the pleasures of life, and observing how others connect.

A smattering of thoughts on love:

When I was young, I used to slip into a dream like reverie, envisioning myself falling in love and getting swept off my feet, embarking on an endless journey of fascinating, challenging adventures with my man, saving the world with nothing but each other. Love burning with heat and passion of the sun. When things get hard and painful, the hurt would never matter because we would have each other and that would be enough.

As life has gone on, I have lost a lot of the faith I had when I was young. Faith in the church, faith that Harry Potter was real and that my letter would come by owl post calling me away to conquer the dark arts, faith in true flawless love.

I see examples of pure love in some others, but I see it quite rarely. I believe true love, with one's soulmate is an occasion that doesn't happen all too often.

Sometimes it feels like I am alone in a theatre, watching others relationships, watching others explore romantic connections, but never participating myself. I wonder if I will ever explore that realm of humanity.

The truth is, my emotions have just recently been reignited. I was blank and numb for so long. I couldn't feel anything strong with the exception of fear. Now things are changing. I have reawakened in the last year. My fear and paranoia has ceased or at the least, is ceasing. I am open to trying new things. To taking expeditions, to leave my shelter with no pretense of where I could end up. My lust for life has finally begun to return. What could have made this possible?

I feel the most deep and intense love when I'm reading. My vision of love was created by reading. I feel so closely connected to characters in books. I learned friendship, loyalty, compassion, strength, courage and a plethora of other lessons through reading. Most of my vocabulary is thanks to reading. My mother had a lot to do with it as well. Thank god for the written word. I encourage everyone to read. Everyday read. Literature is a blessing.

All faith is not lost. I am still open minded. To religion, to magic, to love. My re-ignition has caused me to take a closer look. You are beautiful. Life is beautiful.

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